It was just a normal visit to the dentist on a sunny afternoon, yet the ball of angst waiting in my stomach couldn’t be calmed away. I had been there just one month before for and needed a return visit to check on the work that had been started. During that initial visit, I had to tell them that I was pregnant so the medications used could be safe for the baby, and as expected, it was noted in my chart. When I was seated in the chair the person that was assisting the doctor started to make small talk and asked me how I was feeling. I replied that I was feeling fine and she gushed on asking me about the baby and when I was due.
“I am not pregnant anymore”
More than remembering the words that I said, I remember the look on her face and the feeling in my heart. Already feeling broken and raw to life or better yet, lack thereof, I sat in the chair and folded my hands, breathing as evenly as my broken heart would allow. She murmured a quiet sorry and walked away. I enjoyed the silence and closed my eyes while I waited. I was transported back just a few weeks prior to the time when I lost my little one. With the ache so painfully strong, I tried to think of happier thoughts and what Thomn and I would do with our upcoming weekend. Before I knew it, she came back into the area and started making small talk. What nice weather we were having. How nice my purse was. Did I have any fun plans for the weekend? And in that instant I knew – she was so uncomfortable with the fact that I was no longer pregnant that she thought she could make it better for herself with mundane talk of the weather. I also knew that ultimately, it would be my responsibility to be the one to make her feel better by engaging back.
When did we lose our compassion? When did we decide that when we hear something about someone else that it must become about us? Why do we try to block the feelings of others to save our own?
Her endless chatter, would in no way, change the simple fact that I was not pregnant. My encounter at the dentist office was not my first like this, nor would it be the last. Miscarriage is something that everyone is so afraid to talk about that we end up with useless conversations about nothing really at all. I don’t have the perfect advice to give to you about what to say in these situations. The moment of panic and heartbreak that you feel, has been playing on repeat for that mother since the day that their baby met the stars. I struggle just as much as the next person when I hear of a tragic situation happening to someone else. All I know is my own experience…being there for someone and letting them feel their feelings will say volumes over anything else that could possibly be said.
