Oh, how I have missed blogging the last few weeks. I am three weeks into a cough/cold that just won’t quit and 19 weeks into growing the littlest Bell and my butt has been thoroughly kicked. Every chance that I get, I climb into my perfectly cozy bed and am asleep within minutes. Sometimes, something has to give and lately it has been hanging out with all of you. However, tonight, sleep is for the birds.
I suppose I should start with this ever-exciting title for the blog. Like it or not, I’ve got a brand-new ride. The like part falls squarely about the car itself – it’s a 2018 Chevy Equinox and sleek and pretty…and best of all it has a working electrical system. A few months ago, the air bag sensor came on in my trusty Saturn Vue letting me know that I would probably not have a cushion for my face if I were to be in an accident. Then a few weeks ago the electrical in the car started making me even more weary to be the driver as the interior and exterior lights started a gentle flashing at all times. To top it all off, I concluded that two car seats would not fit in the back seat. Who makes a SUV that can’t fit two car seats in the back? So, farewell to the days that were free from a car payment…hello seat warmers.
Amidst feeling tired and worn down and let’s face it…utterly exhausted, I have been feeling crappy about our house. I don’t think there is one room that looks untouched from a toddler and general life. Thomn and I were picking up one night after S went to bed, and he made a comment about his surprise at my level of calm, considering the disarray of the house. I found it funny that he brought this up as it is something that I have been thinking about for the last few months. A wise woman, (my Grandma) once told Thomn that a house has to look a little lived in to really be a home, otherwise, it is just a house. It was not long after we were married and moved into our first home that she shared this knowledge. I heard the words that she said that day, but always obsessed over the cleanliness of the house. Slowly over time, I became a little crazed about some things in the house and about the way we cleaned. More than a few times I wondered if I was developing OCD as an adult. In the last few months, I’ve realized that that wasn’t the case it all. As I was struggling through not having a baby and feeling out of control, I began to grapple for the things I could control…and quickly, that became about the inside of the house and the rituals found in cleaning. It took me some time to let go of some of these processes after Scarlett was born, but as the months go on the more that I hear my Grandma’s words ringing in my ears. Our house is definitely a home as there is no mistaking that we live here.
The other big thing happening in our world is that I am almost half way through this pregnancy which means we have our big doctor’s appointment this week where they spend the better part of an hour scanning the baby and making sure everything looks good. If LuckyNumber7 cooperates we will also learn the sex of the baby. My anxiety for this appointment has been building and began to peak on Halloween. Every year I volunteer at the Children’s Hospital with work and participate in the Halloween party for the kids that are current or past patients at the hospital. Many of the kids appear to have been born with a complication of some sort or have a need that requires them to be in the hospital for a lengthy amount of time. This is the second time that I have volunteered at this party while pregnant and it starts the wheels turning in my head. What if there is a complication with the birth of the baby? Was getting pregnant and staying pregnant really is the easy part even though it is so hard for me? Most everyone seems to focus on finding out the sex of the baby when really, I am terrified that they will tell me that there is something wrong with our baby and I won’t have that chance to hold them in my arms and nurture them through the years. In all reality, the sex of the baby doesn’t matter and is only what can be identified on the outside – as our child grows they will have the option to be whomever they feel like they are in their heart. So tonight, I am working on my positive self-talk: we will be parents that have the opportunity to love LuckyNumber7 and parent them on this earth.
If you made it through this blog, thanks for sticking with me. Now you have a glimpse into the crazy that has been happening around here…topped off with a toddler who absolutely loved everything about Halloween.
Our Little Mouse
